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I have decided that I simply have too many interests. As a result, this blog will become less specific and more open to musings on the many aspects of life I seem to have an opinion on. 

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The Adult Complex – ‘Welcome to the “real” world’

‘Oh for fuck sake’, I murmur to myself as I walk away. I have been pinpointed by the average working Bob for a repetitive conversation about my university life, which is perfectly enjoyable until he/she throws out the frankly ridiculous ‘welcome to the real world’ adage and proceeds to pretend that it wasn’t an insult.

Oh I'm Sorry, I Didn't Realise There Was a 'Fake' World

In response I would like to ask this pre-internet age ‘adult’ (as if being a nearly 21-year-old student somehow makes me more of a teenager) whether or not she spent her university days contained within a bubble, sipping alcohol and living inside the pages of the Harvard reference system, murmuring names and dates throughout her days. It is of course the stereotype regarding students, is it not? Even my own university, a slightly more geek-oriented campus where some first-year halls are silent come 12am and the pizza boxes are not stacked up to the ceiling, is claimed to be a bubble (mainly because it is said to be out of reach of civilisation – though this, frankly, is an overstatement no doubt created by city-dwellers who are shocked to see a field). Personally I believe that you have to go to more of an effort to live inside a bubble. Here’s what you’d have to do:

1. Never, ever read the news. No BBC News website, no Guardian or Times papers, and certainly no Daily Mail because then you actually would know as much about the exceptional lives of the population as the adults with their personality complexes.

2. If a bus-load of school kids comes to visit your campus to watch a drama production or to use the sports centre or just to walk through it looking smarter than you in their identical uniforms, run away. There should be no contact with the outside world.

3. When it comes to living off campus, find a bungalow in the middle of the field, pour beer around the outside so as to attract the wildlife and scare away the families, and make grunting noises. No one will come near. Not even the police.

4. Disable your Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr, Blogger, YouTube, Pinterest, Technorati, Flickr, Digg, Last.fm and all the other accounts. Now you’re in a bubble.

5. No texts. No Blackberry messenger. No phone calls. No nothing. You should no longer know how to socialise.

6. Never go back to your parent’s house. Imagine it: the train journey, the bus, the car, the people on the street. Your poor bubble! Unless you wear headphones. The Apple ones that expel noise and piss everyone else off. They’re perfect: people will sit on the other side of the train carriage and just glare at you. Which is fine if you go to sleep.

7. Don’t get a job while you’re at university. Don’t volunteer. Don’t learn additional skills. Don’t work during your holidays. Because that really would be the real world.

8. Never moan about how much work you have, or how little time you have. It’ll just encourage them, even though they’re only juggling three things.

9. Speak poorly when you’re around those with The Adult Complex, and don’t ever slip in examples or comments about how much you’ve done in your past few years. Well either that or speak really well and make it obvious that you only know how to speak to the posh.

10. Finally, definitely go to university and don’t drop out. Don’t get married – if at all – until you leave university and enter the ‘real world’. And certainly don’t have kids – if at all – until you’re their age. It’d confuse the ‘adults’ who think that you don’t enter the real world until your 20s are long gone and the introduction stage at work was at least five years ago.

Mrs Adult with the Personality Complex, what the fuck did you do while you were at university?

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